AYSEL
Aysel
It was already dark, but the room was still dimly lit because
the curtains were open. For who knows how long she had been sitting on the
light blue sofa with a blanket draped over it. Her eyes, red from crying, were
trapped on a spot on the carpet.
The pain in her body was competing with the pain in her heart. Both were increasing day by day. Again the neighbors came rushed over to the noise. They had hardly saved Aysel from her husband. They were worried about her condition. While one of the women poured cologne, the other brought a glass of water.
The pain in her body was competing with the pain in her heart. Both were increasing day by day. Again the neighbors came rushed over to the noise. They had hardly saved Aysel from her husband. They were worried about her condition. While one of the women poured cologne, the other brought a glass of water.
While the men were trying to calm her down and give her some advice, her husband was lying again. "She insisted on going out with herfriends in the evening," he said. Some were confused, others knew this was not the truth. "I better go, before I cause an accident," her husband said, and left the house. He would return hours later as if nothing had happened.
The neighbors got used to the couple's behavior. Some said: "This man has put you through so much. You work both at home and at work to avoid trouble. You try your best. You go shopping for the kitchen and the house. You don't demand anything from him. You do everything he says. I swear, comfort doesn't work for this man". While others were angry with Aysel, saying "That's because you make him bully you so much, you should not let this".
A few years after their marriage, Aysel started working to support her husband. She took over the shopping task, thinking that it was on her route anyway. She was a meticulous woman, when she came home she cooked and did her laundry. "Let's work with both hands and become a better family, what am I supposed to do if I stay at home?" she would say. Sometimes she also worked at weekends. On such days, she would clean her house at night. Her husband did not like repair work. If something broke at home, she would try to fix it herself. If a light bulb burst, she would put it in herself. After a while, her husband had a disagreement and quit his job. Later, he quit a couple of other jobs he had. Either it was not for him, or the money was not enough. Aysel started to give money to her husband also. At first he said he wouldn't take it, but over time he got used to this.
This was not the only thing that changed over time. The peace in the house also started to disappear. Sometimes he would get upset about the salt in the food, sometimes he would get angry because the door was open. One day he came home and said, "Why isn't the hose on the balcony collected? It will be rotten under the sun," he got angry. Aysel collected it immediately. The next day he got angry, "Why did you collected it up like that, it will break from where you bent it?" After a while, when he didn't like the food, he started to overturn the tray. When he didn't like the tea, he threw the cup. Every time Aysel tried to do more so that he wouldn't get angry, but it didn't work. It had reached the level of violence. If she spoke, her husband would get angry, if she kept quiet, the arguments would grow because of her silence.
Experiential Design Teaching says: The one who gives effort becomes fond of the thing he/she gives effort to, and the one to whom he/she gives effort becomes ungrateful to him/her.
For a happy marriage, spouses need to give effort for each other. The type of effort to be given by both parties is different. Both of them do their best with the advantages they are born with. If one is the striker, the other is the defender. They are not the same, but they complete each other. One cannot exist without the other.
Sometimes we take responsibilities of our partners because we want to be liked more, sometimes because we want to avoid trouble, or sometimes because we think that we are sufficient on our own. Every time we play instead, that player becomes more passive. Over time they lose their skills. Their relationship with us start to deteriorate. Our gestures turn into a duty.
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Experiential Design Teaching is a science of reality that shapes the future with past experiences. It teaches the methods that individuals need to solve their problems and reach their goals.
It offers strategies to people who want to be happy and successful with the programs "Who is Who", "Mastery in Relationship" and "Success Psychology".
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“What can "one" person matter among billions of people?
Ask that “one” person for the answer!”
Yahya Hamurcu
DENEYİMSEL TASARIM ÖĞRETİSİ MASTER IN RELATIONSHIPS REALIZE SUCCESS PSYCHOLOGY
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The one who gives effort becomes fond of the thing he/she gives effort to, and the one to whom he/she gives effort becomes ungrateful to him/her.
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