Be someone I want to see

Someone I want to see...

She was sitting in the pavilion sipping her tea. Yasemin entered through the green iron gate covered by the trees.  She couldn't believe her eyes. "Is that yellow?" she nudged the person next to her. "Uh-huh! My eyes are bleeding!" The two friends started giggling. "I couldn't wear it even if they paid me for it," she thought to herself. "Oh my gosh, don't you think about what the world will say? Well done, she dressed the way she wanted to. She doesn't really mind what people say. But, dear, everything has a proper look, it's not nice at all!"

When Melis said that her friend's outfit "didn't suit her at all", what she was actually saying was this: "If I don't wear it, she shouldn't wear it either. Everybody should be like me, the way I perceive and convey the world. The one who is different, the one who thinks differently should not exist."

How many times people do this unconsciously?

We try to setgoals for others instead of them. Thinking that we are concerned about their well-being... We think and decide on behalf of someone else's life while ignoring our own.

"Dress like me, talk like me, love like me. Buy like me, sell like me, live like me. Behave the way I want you to behave. Go to the school I want, do the profession I want"...

-I've planned a vacation and we are leaving tomorrow. No gratitude?

-I invited your cousins for dinner tonight. No favors for you either.

-Your carpets are dirty. I know a company. I'll call them. They'll get all the stains out. Come on, you're so lucky the doctor came to you.

-Oh dear, you're so quiet! That's why. If you talk, everything will be solved.

-His visual skills are very good, but if you want your child to go to university, make him choose to study mathematics! Otherwise, he won't be able to find a job.

-You don't know how to dress. Let's go out on the weekend and buy you some new clothes."

Be the you I want you to be!

"Look at life the way I see it, feel the way I feel. If you love, love like me. Look at it the way I look at it. Use the words I want when you talk. Make me feel it."

But that's not me! It's you and you have your own desires in life.

If only people could think a little...

Not everyone has the same desires, the same reasons for desiring and the same goals. Who is this person, what does he really want? Is he asking me questions? Does he really need my help?

The Experiential Design Teaching says "If there is a question, there is an answer."

Does he want the solution I have found for him or the goal I have set for him? Is he happy, sad, joyful? Where is his curiosity, interest, concentration? Why do we want to make decisions for someone else? Does it feel good to play a leading role in someone else's life? Do we think we are perfect? It is easy to set goals andgive advice to others.  It can be done easily without understanding or thinking. It is difficult to set goals for own life.

One must first know and understand people. Understanding people and their needs leads to getting to know them better. Thus, one can give the right direction. And of course, they should not recommend goodness to other lives and forget themselves. In order to have the wisdom to give the right direction, one must first be the director of one's own life. When one is the leading role in his own life, he is then useful as a supporting role in the lives of others.